It's Not Goodbye, it's See Ya Later.....

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. Our last week with Losha flew by and was crazy busy......we had 2 snow days, for which I was very thankful! Wednesday we worked for a few hours and we left Losha at home by himself for about 2 hours. I think he really enjoyed this independence. When I left him, he was watching a movie. When John got home, he caught him dancing and singing to Wii Just Dance and he about died!!!!! He got so embarrassed :)

We both took off work Thursday and Friday so we could spend the last 2 days with him. We took him to Bo's in Lenoir, because that's where he wanted to go Thursday. We met my sister, brother-in-law and nephew there. We stayed busy with the arcade, bowling, laser tag, and more arcade. Losha absolutely loved the Fast and the Furious Car racing game. He must have played it over 20 times. Over and over. Then over and over some more. He perfected his game, that's for sure. Friday we spent the day doing stuff around the house and getting ready for his birthday party. He looked so surprised when I came home toting hot wheels balloons. We had a really good turn out for his party- so thank you to those of you who were able to come on such a short notice!!! Losha was pretty quiet most of the party, like we expected him to be. He started coming out of his shell towards the end. After the party, we had to pack and that's when it really hit all of us he was leaving. We all had managed to stick it in the back of our minds the whole 5 weeks. We  stayed distracted. As we were packing, it became obvious that we needed a bigger suitcase. But we managed to fit all of his favorite clothes and most of his toys. When we weighed the suitcase, we were at 50.4 pounds (50 was the limit), so we were hoping our scales were off just a little bit. I stayed up to make his photo album- nothing like procrastination. I was up until 2:30 am frantically printing off pictures and cutting them to fit in his album. I don't think I would have been able to sleep anyways, so again, it was a good distraction.

Friday night as we were saying our prayers with him, Losha actually prayed for the first time. It took a lot of begging and pleading with him, but he did say a quick prayer in Russian. I think it was a recited prayer, but still, it would do. He fought us tooth and nail over praying the entire 5 weeks he was with us. Finally Friday night I pleaded with him to just say one in Russian. A little one. A simple one. Just one. He proceeded to tell me there were no little prayers in Russian, that they were all long. That's when we realized he prays recited prayers, instead of just talking to God. So I told him, OK, no long prayers, just talk to God. He finally said a prayer- pretty sure it was recited, but hopefully we planted the seed that he can simply talk to God anytime he wants to....

Saturday morning basically went like this- Losha not liking what was packed for his backpack, repacking his backpack, repacking his suitcase, re-weighing his suitcase, taking some stuff out, adding some stuff, etc.... We left for the airport at 10:50 and as we pulled out of the neighborhood, the tears started streaming. I just couldn't help it. I think Losha was sad too, because he didn't say much of anything the entire ride. Friday night I asked him if he was ready to go home. He did the "so-so" motion with his hand. I know he missed Russia and was excited to see his friends, but at the same time, I do think he will miss us. He wasn't talking much at the airport. The kids from the other countries all had flight times before Losha and we made it to the airport just in time to see the farewells of those kids, which broke my heart. Most of them were small kids and most of them were crying. I thought, If Losha cries, I'm done. We were able to sit with him for a good 2 hours before he was taken back through security, since it was only Losha and his chaperone leaving from Charlotte. We checked him in and his suitcase came in at 49.5 pounds! Yeah, we're that good :) Those 2 hours waiting with him were torture- and he was quick to make fun of my red eyes from crying...but the time finally came to say our goodbyes. He was standing up facing me, and I was delaying the inevitable. He finally just reached for me and said "bye". I hugged him and kissed his little cheek, told him I loved him, to be a good boy, and that we really enjoyed having him. Next he went to John and then I couldn't see anything. Before he walked away, I grabbed his arm and told him, "This isn't goodbye, its just See Ya Later, OK?" and he nodded his head and did his little smirk. Then he was off for security. John and I followed him and were able to watch him go through. He didn't realize we had followed him, so when he saw us he smiled really big. Then after he got through, he turned around and waved at us, with an expression on his face that I can't describe. He wasn't really smiling, but he wasn't crying either (Thank Goodness). I blew him and kiss and John was waving, then he simply walked out of sight. It was the saddest thing I have ever done.

I cried basically all day Saturday. We got home and that was horrendous.. the house was empty and quiet and it honestly felt like Losha had died instead of just left. It was the most awful feeling ever..... We cried and cried. We tried to talk about other things, but it just didn't work. We tried to get out of the house and run some errands and that did work, but only for about 3 hours. Saturday night was just more sobbing myself to sleep. My eyes were so swollen, I literally looked like a bull-frog! No kidding! I could barely see out of them when I woke up Sunday morning. The weird thing is, we knew it would be hard to let him go, but we never thought it would have been as bad as it was. We were much more attached to him than we ever realized. What made it worse, was the fact that we're not going to pursue adoption of him, so we don't really know if we will ever get to see him again. I hope and pray that we will, but we just don't know if hosting programs will be allowed in Russia with the new laws being passed this month. Friday night I ended up breaking the rules of the program, and told Losha over Google Translate, that we would never make him choose between his family in Russia and us, but that if he ever wanted to come live with us forever, all he had to do was ask us. He nodded his little head to this, so at least he knows for sure that he is loved. The weekend was terribly hard, but things are getting easier each day. Yesterday I managed to only cry one time!! So far today, I only teared up, but nothing actually streamed down my face (and I was praying for him, so that always makes me emotional, and doesn't count).

I prayed all along, for God to reveal his plan as to why Losha was one of the lucky 15 kids who made it out of Russia in December. All along, I was just sure it was because we were meant to adopt him. But I was wrong. Losha needed this experience. His mother died in November, and Losha found out he was coming to America in November as well. He needed this experience for healing, I think. He was able to be his goofy little self, and laugh and be silly. He was able to cut loose. He was able to truly be himself without getting into trouble for it. He was able to be a maniac. Through this experience I believe God showed John and I that we are meant to adopt an older child. I've always wanted to adopt, but always pictured us adopting an infant. I never thought about being open to an older child. But now, well I'm changed. This experience has lit a fire beneath John and I and we are ready to get started on our journey. And we have Losha to thank for that. We hope and pray our paths will cross Losha's again someday. I'm sure it will. I don't know how God can bring someone like him into our lives just once. Nothing in life is ever guaranteed- but we hope to host Losha again. We hope we made God proud. We emailed Losha Monday to amke sure he had arrived back in Russia safely. He hasn't responded yet, but we aren't sure how often he checks his email. Last night we signed up on Kontakte- the russian version of facebook. We were able to find him and sent our friend request to him. Hopefully, we will hear something back from him soon. We plan on stalking keeping up with him this way.....

This will be the last post for a while. John and I would like to thank you for stopping in to read about our journey and for all of the encouraging comments and messages throughout our hosting period. We read each one to each other, and we apologize for not being able to respond to each message. We are thankful for each and every one though, I promise.

We will post pics to facebook soon- our computer is being retarded about uploads lately, so be patient :)